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      文章吧-經典好文章在線閱讀:為什么你越想討好別人卻越被別人看不起?

      當前的位置:文章吧 > 人生感悟 >

      為什么你越想討好別人卻越被別人看不起?

      2017-01-18 來源:特別關注 閱讀:載入中…

        引導語:不必用卑躬屈膝去換取這個世界的關愛,因為你本身就值得被愛。

      為什么你越想討好別人卻越被別人看不起?

        講一件很有意思的事。

        最近有一學弟要去某電影公司面試,因為太緊張,去之前要我幫幫他,我就和他做了一對一的模擬面試。

        面完之后,我發現他有一個嚴重問題:低價值感。

        什么是低價值感?

        面試剛開始,他就一副點頭哈腰,誠惶誠恐的樣子,臉上的笑一看就是硬擠出來的。

        我和他說:“我又不是國家主席,你點什么頭,哈什么腰。”他說這是以示尊敬。

        我告訴他,這不是尊敬,這叫自降身價。

        走到座椅上,我讓他坐。他又一副受寵若驚的樣子,忙說:“您坐您坐,您先坐。”

        我說:“人家讓你坐你就坐,坐的時候說句謝謝就好。”

        談話階段,他又是一連串的敬語,畢恭畢敬的樣子又來了,好像我一言不合就會吃了他似的。

        我告訴他,企業主是在招員工,不是在招奴仆。

        你這樣做,只會顯得自己很廉價。

        面試美女

        01

        在學弟去正式面試前,我刻意提醒他:禮貌是必須的,但要適可而止。

        企業絕對不會因為你面試時有禮貌而選你,它看中的一定是你的核心價值。

        比如別人給你倒茶的話,別傻兮兮地動都不敢動,你可以喝一口。一是因為你配得起這口茶,二是因為不要浪費別人的勞動成果。

        再比如別人讓你提出理想薪資,你別說隨便,要開出一個深思熟慮的價格,體現出你對自我價值的認同,以及對職位、行業的成熟的認知。

        學弟是一個專業能力和學習成績都很好的人,但他的表現,無處不表現出低價值感。

        低價值感者真正的問題在于:對自我的失焦。

        他們時常關注他人,始終忽略自己。

        對于世界向他們提出的要求,可以赴湯蹈火做牛做馬,卻唯獨忘了自己也是需要被愛與被關照的一方。

        于是最后受傷的也總是他們。

        02

        這讓我想起另外一件事。

        高中同學聚會吃飯,一女同學站起來,繞了大半個桌子走過來,到我這兒拿了一瓶可樂。

        我當時還有點納悶,因為她原本可以說一聲讓我幫她拿,就在我腳邊,舉手之勞的事兒。

        我后來問她,她說不愿意麻煩別人。

        當時她說這句話時,我是理解的,因為我過去也是這樣的人。

        總把自己想得很低,稍微勞煩一下別人,心里都會愧疚得很,恨不得把世界上最耀眼的贊美詞都送給對方。

        到后來我才明白,這就是自我的低價值感。

        因為不認同自己,在內心深處否認自己,所以覺得自己配不上別人的幫助。別人幫一下下,仿佛就是天大的恩惠。

        所以寧可把自己累死,也不拖累別人。

        都說現代人的基本素質之一是:不麻煩別人。

        這當然是對的,但只有需要對方付出一定勞動的事,才稱得上是麻煩。

        “幫忙做個PPT?”

        “幫忙搞個LOGO唄?”

        “幫忙寫個策劃案唄?”

        這種事當然自己搞定的好,不要隨便麻煩別人。

        但如果是遞一瓶飲料、遞一張餐巾紙、幫忙拿一雙筷子,這種舉手之勞的麻煩,如果你的確需要,請務必提出。(哲理日志 www.fjjslyw.com)

        人際交往中,把自己看得比別人重要,是自私。

        把別人看得比自己重要,是自卑。

        把自己看得和別人一樣重要,才是一種恰到好處的平衡。

        03

        除了上文所提及的職場、生活,“低價值感”還會影響一個方面:愛情。

        在一個訪談節目里,女演員談到自己童星出道,大學時代,被很多男生追。追求她的男生,因為都看過她的戲,所以都很尊重她。

        她說和這一類男生相處時,他們都會很緊張,甚至為了迎合她說不少客套話。

        比如“我從小看你戲長大的”,可她并不喜歡這樣。

        唯獨一個男生,因為沒看過她的戲,反而和她相處得很自然。

        她覺得自己需要這樣一種平等,愛情也需要。

        很多人在追逐戀人的時候,喜歡把自己置于相當低的地位。做什么事都小心翼翼,對的總是對方,錯的總是自己,就如同對方愿意和自己在一起是一種恩惠一樣。

        這就是愛情中的低價值感。

        低價值感的人難有好的愛情,因為他在愛情開始之前,就已經失去自己。

        一個連自己都擁有不了的人,是無法擁有一個愛人的。

        低價值感對愛情的另一種傷害還源于:對自我的否認,時常延伸出對愛人的否認。

        曾有一句詩描述這樣的心理情結:一旦沾染我的,便會腐壞。

        大白話的意思就是:“啊啊啊,我這么糟糕,他竟然會喜歡我。他會喜歡這么糟糕的我,是不是因為他也很糟糕。”

        這其實是一種極為隱性的戀愛心理:熱戀期的情侶,通常視彼此為無暇的。但熱戀期一過,當缺陷暴露在彼此的視野下,焦慮隨之而來。我們開始審視自己的不完美,同時將不滿投射在戀人身上。

        戀人的分數由原來的98分、78分、再降為68分,直到最后降至及格線以下。

        低價值感的人,開始是對自我不自信,接著演變為對戀人不自信,最終對一整段戀情不自信。

        其實,他們想要走出這種負面的戀愛心理,只需要確信一件事就夠了:

        你并不爛,也并不糟糕,他會愛上你,不是因為他賤、蠢、傻,而是因為他在你身上發現了美好的東西。

        這也是我想跟所有低價值感的人說的話:

        不必用卑躬屈膝去換取這個世界的關愛,

        因為你本身就值得被愛。

      [來源:文章吧網 Http://www.fjjslyw.com 經典好文章閱讀,轉載請保留出處!]

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